Kal Ho Na Ho is a masterpiece. If I had it my way I would put in it on the No.1 spot on the list of “Movies to watch before you die”. Every dialogue, every scene and every character in this film is genius. From the perpetually cranky Naina to the “she-wants-your-money” Chameli, uh, Camilla. From the forever-butting-into-other people’s-business Aman to the goofy flirt Rohit. From Naina’s “Maar-daala” Dadi to Sweetu’s horny sister. Rohit’s Gujju parents deserve a separate mention altogether. Coz they’re anything but “normal chhe”.
Let’s begin, shall we?
8) 6 Din, Ladki in – Only SRK, dude. Only SRK. Hell if Aman was the prospect I would say yes within 6 minutes. The whole sequence was a win. “Oopar dekho, neeche dekho, doosri taraf dekho, ab apni naak mein ungli daalo..haha! just joking jawaan”. The assumption behind this funda is true though. Girls tend to take it personally when a guy stops smothering them with attention. In Aman’s golden words, “Ladkiyon ke baare mein mera ek usool hai. Jitna tum ladki ke peeche bhagoge, utna woh tumse door bhagegi. Agar tum uske peeche nahi bhagoge toh woh confuse ho jayegi aur tumhare peeche bhagegi yeh jaan ne ke liye ki woh confused kyun hai. Aur isi confused ladki ki confusion ka humein fayda uthana hai”
Aman’s swag – “Main sunday ko kaam nahi karta”
7) She wants your money! – So dejected Rohit gets attracted to Camilla, or maybe just her legs. They decide to go on a date and the omnipresent Aman decides to butt in. The sexy Camilla, however, is a con artist working with her mom who reels Rohit in by pretending to be in a Mandir while she’s taking a bath in a jacuzzi. Finally, Rohit delivers the smashing lines that make Camilla arrange a one way trip to Mr. India’s oblivion – “Camilla darling, mujhe apne daddy ke paise bilkul nahi chahiye. Main apni zindagi khud banana chahta hoon, aur apne pairon pe khud khada hona chahta hoon. Kya tum mera saath dogi?”
Yeah, I’ll join you when hell freezes over! (did you see what I did there?)
6) Kantaben – Well this is one iconic character. The actor hardly delivered a total of 50 lines yet the character came very close to overshadowing the film itself. Hardly a single award show passed without making jabs at Kantaben and her homophobia. The exaggerated tremors, temporary speechlessness and the brilliant gujju background music made her one of the funniest characters ever.
“Aman bahar gaya hai! Ladki ke saath! Girl!”
5) Galat Ghar! – Well this scene sends me into a wild fit every time. You have a bunch of insane characters thrown in with another bunch of insane characters. Sweetu’s big sister J.Kapoor gets to put her jism ki bhookh on full display in this scene. Rajpal Yadav makes an entry as Guru who ends up being mistaken as the sardaar sent by a matrimonial agency. While Rohit is mistaken as Guru who was supposed to be Sweetu’s blind date. And when the real sardaar finally turns up, he is shooed away by the traumatized duo of both Rohit and Guru.
“Meri aankhon mein dekho, tumhe kya dikhai deta hai?….BATHROOM!”
4) Frankie Ramdayal – As you can see from the title of my blog, I’m a big fan of this guy. He may not have delivered too many lines, but his presence itself elicited some genius dialogues. The whole exchange between Sweetu, Aman and Naina was nothing short of epic. I won’t write the whole dialogue here, but am embedding this oscar worthy scene in this post.
“Mummy ko bhi saath leke aana!”
The brilliant bhangra group – “Daler chhaddo saanu dekho” Well, lol.
3) Sweetu – AKA Jaspreet Kapoor. With 2 o’s. Iski life ki do problems hain – wazan hai, jo kam nahi hota aur is baat ka ise gham nahi hota. Sweetu, in my opinion, was a rockstar. She didn’t give a rat’s fart about what anyone thought of her figure and unabashedly continued to fawn over guys openly. She had one dialogue that teaches you not to take either yourself or life too seriously.
“Ladka, ladka, ladka! tumhe aur kuch nahi soojta na? Kya hoga, tum usse shaadi karogi bacche paida karogi aur phir? Phir ek din woh tum sab ko chhod ke chala jayega, phir kya karogi? What will you do then?”
“Doosri shaadi karungi, aur kya karungi”
LIKE A BAWS!
2) Rohit’s introduction – Son of the owner of Dial-a-dhokla has to be a lava of coolness (um, well) He is a loser who still has swag. Poor guy got thwarted by almost every girl he hit on, but in Naina’s words, he never stopped trying! From Julia to the woman in the elevator to the divorcee Geeta to the old woman whom he takes out on a date – he has tried them all.
1) G-U-J-J-U – This song should have been the song of the year. Even though it is a caricature of the Gujrati community, it does so in an endearing way and is a chart topper anyway! I loved all sequences with Rohit’s parents though. Including the first scene with Rohit’s mom welcoming him home with “Maaro Rohit ghar aaye ho o raam ji” dance and the scene when they go meet Naina’s family – “We have a very big hole” A winner parental unit, ladies and gentlemen.
If you haven’t watched this film yet, then kill yourself with an overdose of The Weasley’s U-No-Poo powder.