Scenes from a married life #1 – Dry Cleaning

Well this is mostly a drabble on the daily struggles of married life (As if I know anything about a successful married life) I find the dynamic of this relationship very interesting. After all, it’s the little things that fill life with joy. Also, I have been watching some amazing short films and I feel very inspired. Hope you enjoy this. I plan on writing many more situation-based sketches.

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Ragini rung the door bell and being the impatient person that she was, immediately started tapping her feet. With the weight of her laptop bag bogging her down emotionally just as much as physically, she waited for Akash to open the door and greet her with a welcoming smile. All she wanted to do was crash into bed and sleep.

After only a few seconds, the door opened and Akash stood before her wearing soiled clothes and a goofy smile on his face.

“Hey baby, why’re you so late?”, he asked jovially as he gave her a hug and a peck on her lips. Despite her exhaustion, Ragini gave him a smile and said, “Overload of work, as usual. There were too many deadlines that needed to be met and it seems as though none of my team members want to work in my absence. And that Trivedi – I don’t know what problem he has with female bosses. It takes all of my strength to get him to work and…” she cut off midway because Akash didn’t seem to be listening, “Why do you look so happy?”

He grinned and said, “You’ll see soon enough. Why don’t you go and change while I put dinner on the table?”

She nodded, dumped her laptop bag on the nearby sofa and said, “Let me just have a glass of water”

He nodded, kissed on her cheek and walked into the kitchen. She took out a bottle of water from the fridge and just as she was about to drink, she peeked into the kitchen to see what Akash was upto. What she saw completely horrified her. The kitchen was in a complete mess. The masala jars were all in a disarray and there were dirty utensils lying all over the place. There were half chopped vegetables on the slab and all the kitchen towels were soiled. As she kept the bottle back in the fridge, she noticed less than half of the quantity of milk in the big steel container that she usually kept on a daily basis. There was no dahi either.

With piling annoyance and resentment, she marched into the kitchen and said loudly, “What the hell are you upto?!”

He dropped the spoon he was holding in surprise and turned towards her, “Ragini why are you in here? I thought you were going to go freshen up! Please go, chalo leave”, he said as he started to usher her out.

Tch, I’m not going anywhere. What have you done to the kitchen? And why haven’t you bought milk and dahi? I had told you before leaving, hadn’t I?”

Arey I’ve made your favorite mattar paneer today! and you know the kitchen gets messy when I cook. I’ll clean it up na baby, why’re you getting so hyper?”

Ragini held up a hand and scowled, “I know how you clean the kitchen okay…don’t try to fool me. All you will do is dump the dishes in the sink and wipe the slab. I’ll have to reset the mismatched jar caps, throw the left-over vegetables, clean the stove and the microwave and keep those kitchen towels for laundry. And you will probably have used the same spoon for salt and haldi!”

Akash immediately lowered her gaze and peeked at her with guilty eyes. She let out an exasperated sigh and flung her arms, “I knew it”

“I cooked your favorite dish and that doesn’t mean anything to you, does it?”, he said in a hurt voice.

“It does, but does that mean you ignore all your responsibilities for it? When will you grow up Akash? Am I the only one responsible for keeping this house together? Will you only do as much as you’re instructed to do? Can’t you do things on your own, accept some responsibility on your own? Bolo?”

She was glaring at him with furious eyes and her face was lit up with one expression – ‘I-have-had-enough’. It was intimidating yet familiar at the same time. She had this habit of giving long furious pauses in between her outbursts during which she expected him to tell her what she wanted to hear, but on the contrary they always made Akash want to laugh. He always struggled with keeping his grin in check during one of those but it was really difficult to say the least. Unfortunately his self restraint cracked and he let one grin slip.

Nothing could have infuriated Ragini more. She hated it when he did that. She felt like she was raging at a wall and would only end up hurting herself if she tried anymore. Unable to find the right words to express her indignation, she flung her arms in the air once again and said, “That’s it. I don’t want to talk to you anymore. You think this is funny don’t you? Leave me alone and don’t you dare try to talk to me!

With that, she turned on her heel and made to march towards their room. Realizing that this would end up in silent treatment and passive aggressive behavior for days, Akash rushed towards her and held her arm, “Acha wait wait wait…I’m sorry, okay? I’m really sorry”

She jerked her arm out of his grasp and said, “What are you sorry for? For smiling or not taking up responsibility?”

“For both. I know I’m irresponsible and callous. I’m working on it, seriously”

“You just don’t get it Akash. I feel like I need to take care of everything in this house. You take me for granted. If I don’t pay attention to the bills, they don’t get paid. If I don’t give instructions to the maid, the house won’t get cleaned. If I don’t keep track of the groceries, there will be no food on the table. If I don’t make sure that everything broken gets fixed on time, you will probably not even notice a leaking tap…or, or a seepage in the plumbing. Do you ever notice anything?”

He pondered for a second and said, “I got the TV repaired last week”

“That was only because you turned it on to watch the match and it wasn’t working! You only notice things that affect you directly!”

“Alright, I accept that. But I will make a conscious effort to make changes, Ragini. Just give me some time. I’ll even maintain a to-do list from now on wards”

Once again, she slipped into one of her dramatic pauses but she seemed calmer this time. She unfolded her arms and her gaze softened a bit. A few seconds later, she said, “Do you mean it?”

“Yes, baby, absolutely”, he said earnestly.

“Okay. I’m telling you though, I’m going to stop taking care of everything if you keep this up. And you are going to clean the kitchen after dinner today. Completely”

“I promise”, he replied with a smile.

Reluctantly, she smiled and Akash let out a sigh of relief, “Can I get a hug?”, he asked.

With the smile still on her face, she walked into his open arms and felt him enclose her warmly. Snuggling her head in his shoulder, she asked, “Did you pick up the clothes from the dry cleaning? They were due today”

Akash’s smile melted away like ice-cream on a hot pan.

 

Reasons why Indian men are pigs

..And the best players in the world. Really. If you can work your way through their web of emotional manipulation, you can pretty much earn a degree in corporate and war espionage. I don’t understand why scientists and researchers across the world are still in doubt whether Dissociative Identity Disorder is real or not; Indian men have thousands of personalities, each extremely distinct. The worst part probably is they use each identity to their advantage. A lot like Edward Norton’s character from Primal Fear.

Anyway, here is my list of the top 10 reasons why Indian men are pigs.

10) They use the victim card to hook you in emotionally – Oh yes, they’re artists when it comes to using the victim card. As human beings, it is our natural tendency to feel sympathy towards someone who we feel has been wronged in some way. So they come up with ingenious stories about how their previous girlfriend was horrible to them, how their parents don’t understand them and how lonely they are, etc etc. Now an interesting fact about women is that we’re nurturers by birth. We have a biological instinct to ‘care’ for someone. It is that instinct that gets activated when a man seeks sympathy. We feel sorry for him and think that in some way, we will be able to lessen their pain.

Pokeballs, that’s a sure shot winner move! It works every single time.

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9) …But they hate it when women mollycoddle too much: Hypocrisy at it’s best. Once the lady is reeled in, they hate it when she mollycoddles too much or feels entitled to his personal space. Well, the entire basis for your relationship with her is your emotional needs. Now she’s there for you, and you don’t want her anymore?

And they say women are crazy while PMSing.

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8) …And they don’t like it if you get too friendly with other men: If you start getting closer to your other male friends, they turn into the male counterparts of Komolika (ref: Kahaani Ghar Ghar Ki) and consider it their birthright to violate your personal space like your phone, social media profiles etc. They don’t rest until you either stop talking to other men or pass a custom made agni-pareeksha. They also use tactics like manipulation to make you feel guilty. “You have no time for me anymore!”

Eh, I thought you were sick of me constantly fretting over you? Cunphuson, son! 

7) …They want a ‘modern’ girlfriend, but a domestic wife: Something that probably angers me more than Twilight and 50 shades of Grey put together. It’s hypocrisy in it’s purest form. Indian men love hanging out with so called ‘modern’ women who can smoke, drink, wear sexy clothes and have pre marital sex without any moral redflags. They go around claiming to be extremely open minded. But when it comes to getting married and settling down, they want a virgin, who is as pure as Ganga Maa, and will be adored by his mother. So the ‘modern’ woman is the test drive that never culminates in a concrete deal, while the wife is the family car who doesn’t even need to be tested.

Applause! Drinks all around!

6) They think every woman is available: Any woman who does not bear any suhaag ki nishani is open and available. They think it’s okay to hit on a woman in almost any situation. They would hit on their colleague, their boss, their friend, their teacher, their sister’s friend, their therapist – no one is out of bounds. Anyone who catches their eye in the unmarried category is fair game. Even if the conversation begins in a different space, it ends up with the man hitting on the woman in one way or the other. They have the talent to steer the conversation from aliens and crop circles to how beautiful the lady’s smile is within minutes (hours, at worst)

Tulent, man!

5) They don’t have the balls to admit that they’re not serious: They will keep you on tenterhooks until the very end, but will never admit that all they want is sex and a good time. They’ll keep you hooked with false promises and distant dreams, and then drop you like a sack of hot potatoes when they’re done.

Yeh hai #mardaangi!

4) They don’t have the balls to break up with dignity: They would prefer sending you a text saying, “hey jaan i thnk itz nt wrkng out btwn us nymore..we shud move on” or updating their facebook relationship status to ‘single’ rather than saying it on your face. Neat job, fella, really chic.

Yeh hai #mardaangi vol. 2!

3) They hate it when their partners earn more than they do: The ever expanding male ego doesn’t let them live with the fact that their partner earns more than they do. This pain is worse than the pain when kicked in the balls. It makes them less of a man, somehow. It makes them smaller in comparison to the woman. And how can they let that happen?

Kya kar raha hai yaar? Mard ban, be a man!”

2) They hate it when their partner disagrees with them publicly: They take everything personally, even a disagreement about Akbar’s hundred wives. They probably wouldn’t care if it were within the four walls of their house, but hell, if she disagrees openly and manages to make fair arguments, his brain catches fire like LPG gas. The pain is real, pokeballs!

“Khud ko kya samajhti hai? Itna akadti hai”

 

1) They make fun of their wives among friends: They think their wife is their personal property or trophy, something they can flash around unabashedly among their friends and pass comments openly. To be fair, it may not always be with an intention to cause hurt, but it still is an infringement of her personal space. She isn’t a page 3 celebrity to be discussed openly. It’s insulting and demeaning, whether intentional or not intentional.

Gifs from: https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/pokemon-gifs