10 procrastination excuses we give ourselves everyday

Procrastination should officially be declared a religion, because you will find more followers of this practice alone as compared to all the religions in the world combined. Procrastination is one of the most common human tendencies, apart from lying and avoiding. For example, I waited until the very last minute to write this article. I’m procrastinating about writing on procrastinating. That’s like procrastineption. Anyway, let’s delve right into the top 10 excuses we give ourselves to procrastinate.

10) Honestly, it’s not even that important!

Each time we sit down to work on something or study, we always tell ourselves that it’s not that important after all. I mean, there is a whole bunch of other, more important, things that we’d rather be doing – like watching TV, surfing the net or playing games on Playstation. Who wants to study the IS-LM Model in economics two days before an exam when there are almost 10 levels of Call of Duty remaining to be played?

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9) I’m so tired!

Surprisingly, fatigue catches up with us each time we plan to finish some work. You only realize how tired and unwell you are a second before you sit down to getting that assignment done. You watched TV for 2 hours, so now your eyes are hurting. You were online on whatsapp for another 1 hour, so now your fingers are hurting. You ate too much pasta for lunch, so now you’re sleepy. And on top of all of that, you cleaned your room! Pssht, all of this is enough to knock anyone out. How can someone even think about working after this?

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8) I’m so distracted!

You just went online to do some research for your pending project, and suddenly the forces of nature and technology are conspiring against you. There is a new amazing music video out that you just have to watch. There are millions of game requests on facebook and even more interesting tweets on twitter. You need to remain updated, after all.

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7) I’m too smart to be working on something as mundane as homework, I need to do some research on something deep like aliens and supernatural forces.

Really, homework is for common people who love being a part of the herd. You are different and smarter than everybody else. While everyone is busy doing regular stuff like homework, you are more interested in the science involved in black holes, the gravitational force of Jupiter and whether Jesus Christ was black or not. So what if you don’t know your calculus formulae? You know stuff that really matters in the real world.

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6) I would sit down and do work, but my favourite movie/game is on right now. It won’t air tomorrow.

It’s India vs Pakistan today, and there’s no fun in watching the repeat, especially when you would already know who won. Are you trying to stop me from being patriotic, bro?

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5) I haven’t spoken to XYZ friend in so long. Work can wait, friendship is more important.

You suddenly remember a hundred friends who want to talk to you when an impending deadline is looming above your head. These friends have been dropping messages for you to speak to them for ages, but this is the moment that you had been delaying them for – hours before you need to submit a project. Friendship is for life!

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4) I need to eat something before I start.

Hunger pangs strike just before something needs to be done. You poke around in your refrigerator a hundred times before getting frustrated about there never being anything good to eat. You then proceed to ordering pizza from Pizza Hut and spend hours staring at the menu, trying to decide what to order. Mustard sauce and extra oregano seasoning is essential, otherwise you would be rendered physiologically incapable of working on anything.

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3) I’ll do it when I’m in a better mood. Life sucks right now.

You suddenly remember things that have upset you in the past couple of days – Your distant friend backstabbed you, your parents scolded you, your teachers hate you and your net pack got over. At that time, these things didn’t really bother you, but they do now. Everything comes back in full force and suddenly you’re depressed. How can someone work when they’re depressed?

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2) I can’t focus because my there is too much disturbance around!

Your phone keeps beeping each time you so much as get a spam text from Moksha Spa. Your mom keeps peeping into your room to talk about something or the other. There is some or the other commotion going on in your house at that very moment. You absolutely cannot focus amidst all this disturbance. You’ll do it when there is peace in the world.

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1) I promise I’ll do it after an hour.

The number 1 excuse for not getting to work immediately. You keep fooling yourself into believing that you will definitely get to work after an hour. After that one hour, you give yourself another hour, and then another one, and on and on it goes. Eventually, you get to work only when you realize that it’s a choice between death and work. All nighters combined with black coffee – a pro procrastinator’s better half!

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All Images are from: Fun with Franchise

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Reasons why Indian men are pigs

..And the best players in the world. Really. If you can work your way through their web of emotional manipulation, you can pretty much earn a degree in corporate and war espionage. I don’t understand why scientists and researchers across the world are still in doubt whether Dissociative Identity Disorder is real or not; Indian men have thousands of personalities, each extremely distinct. The worst part probably is they use each identity to their advantage. A lot like Edward Norton’s character from Primal Fear.

Anyway, here is my list of the top 10 reasons why Indian men are pigs.

10) They use the victim card to hook you in emotionally – Oh yes, they’re artists when it comes to using the victim card. As human beings, it is our natural tendency to feel sympathy towards someone who we feel has been wronged in some way. So they come up with ingenious stories about how their previous girlfriend was horrible to them, how their parents don’t understand them and how lonely they are, etc etc. Now an interesting fact about women is that we’re nurturers by birth. We have a biological instinct to ‘care’ for someone. It is that instinct that gets activated when a man seeks sympathy. We feel sorry for him and think that in some way, we will be able to lessen their pain.

Pokeballs, that’s a sure shot winner move! It works every single time.

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9) …But they hate it when women mollycoddle too much: Hypocrisy at it’s best. Once the lady is reeled in, they hate it when she mollycoddles too much or feels entitled to his personal space. Well, the entire basis for your relationship with her is your emotional needs. Now she’s there for you, and you don’t want her anymore?

And they say women are crazy while PMSing.

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8) …And they don’t like it if you get too friendly with other men: If you start getting closer to your other male friends, they turn into the male counterparts of Komolika (ref: Kahaani Ghar Ghar Ki) and consider it their birthright to violate your personal space like your phone, social media profiles etc. They don’t rest until you either stop talking to other men or pass a custom made agni-pareeksha. They also use tactics like manipulation to make you feel guilty. “You have no time for me anymore!”

Eh, I thought you were sick of me constantly fretting over you? Cunphuson, son! 

7) …They want a ‘modern’ girlfriend, but a domestic wife: Something that probably angers me more than Twilight and 50 shades of Grey put together. It’s hypocrisy in it’s purest form. Indian men love hanging out with so called ‘modern’ women who can smoke, drink, wear sexy clothes and have pre marital sex without any moral redflags. They go around claiming to be extremely open minded. But when it comes to getting married and settling down, they want a virgin, who is as pure as Ganga Maa, and will be adored by his mother. So the ‘modern’ woman is the test drive that never culminates in a concrete deal, while the wife is the family car who doesn’t even need to be tested.

Applause! Drinks all around!

6) They think every woman is available: Any woman who does not bear any suhaag ki nishani is open and available. They think it’s okay to hit on a woman in almost any situation. They would hit on their colleague, their boss, their friend, their teacher, their sister’s friend, their therapist – no one is out of bounds. Anyone who catches their eye in the unmarried category is fair game. Even if the conversation begins in a different space, it ends up with the man hitting on the woman in one way or the other. They have the talent to steer the conversation from aliens and crop circles to how beautiful the lady’s smile is within minutes (hours, at worst)

Tulent, man!

5) They don’t have the balls to admit that they’re not serious: They will keep you on tenterhooks until the very end, but will never admit that all they want is sex and a good time. They’ll keep you hooked with false promises and distant dreams, and then drop you like a sack of hot potatoes when they’re done.

Yeh hai #mardaangi!

4) They don’t have the balls to break up with dignity: They would prefer sending you a text saying, “hey jaan i thnk itz nt wrkng out btwn us nymore..we shud move on” or updating their facebook relationship status to ‘single’ rather than saying it on your face. Neat job, fella, really chic.

Yeh hai #mardaangi vol. 2!

3) They hate it when their partners earn more than they do: The ever expanding male ego doesn’t let them live with the fact that their partner earns more than they do. This pain is worse than the pain when kicked in the balls. It makes them less of a man, somehow. It makes them smaller in comparison to the woman. And how can they let that happen?

Kya kar raha hai yaar? Mard ban, be a man!”

2) They hate it when their partner disagrees with them publicly: They take everything personally, even a disagreement about Akbar’s hundred wives. They probably wouldn’t care if it were within the four walls of their house, but hell, if she disagrees openly and manages to make fair arguments, his brain catches fire like LPG gas. The pain is real, pokeballs!

“Khud ko kya samajhti hai? Itna akadti hai”

 

1) They make fun of their wives among friends: They think their wife is their personal property or trophy, something they can flash around unabashedly among their friends and pass comments openly. To be fair, it may not always be with an intention to cause hurt, but it still is an infringement of her personal space. She isn’t a page 3 celebrity to be discussed openly. It’s insulting and demeaning, whether intentional or not intentional.

Gifs from: https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/pokemon-gifs